With words, there is always something to say. I have ‘chewed’ on this topic for a while now, months if you would like to know and it just never feels complete. Why? Because a lot more scenarios add up to the ones already piled up in my thoughts.
The first time I decided to write about this, something tragic had happened and I did not know how to fully express it. A very loved one passed away and I felt this gut wrenching emotion when I thought of them. I still do. I’m not even family. They had their family and they sure did love them.
I had a hard time recovering and I always thought about how hard it must be for them. When it comes to expressing emotions, feelings and thoughts, I do not think people can display these identically. Maybe similarly but never so similar that there are no differences. That’s why we can always “relate”.
For the first few days, I had wondered how to convey my condolences to their family. “What am I going to say that’ll be enough? ” I thought. Eventually, I just ended up writing the usual “I’m so sorry for your loss. May they rest in peace”. And I hoped honestly that it would change something. I don’t know? Maybe help them hurt less?
I doubt that it did though. It didn’t. It is true that sharing your hurt with the people around you and receiving genuine love in return is a vital key in surpassing grief. But eventually, you’re grieving and we’re sorry it happened to you, hoping it doesn’t happen to any one of us. At least, not any time soon.
Why is it so easy for people to feel sad about other people’s situations? Well, they could just be emotional or they imagine how much it would hurt to be in such hurting circumstances and Voila, the tears. So, how does the person experiencing it first hand feel? How impactful are our words of condolences in their lives? How genuine are their ‘Thank you so much. I really needed to hear this or see this?’
But of course, we can not do much more than giving condolences and being sad for as long as we can remember the situations. Because I’m guessing that that is the most humane thing we can do. Clearly, I am not saying we’re not doing enough because in all honesty, we are doing the most we can do. Empathize and sympathize.
The other day, someone lost their partner. I for sure felt as sorry as I could feel. I hurt for the children too. I hurt for the person who had to live on. In general, it hurt. But somehow, I couldn’t give my condolences. It was at the tip of my tongue. I really wanted to say “I’m so sorry for your loss. May they rest in peace”. But I looked into their eyes and I just couldn’t.
So, I hugged them as tightly as I could in hopes that that hug would convey my heartfelt condolences to them. Because in that moment, I knew my words were not enough.
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